Did you ever stop and wonder what your guiding principles are? Could you answer the question: “What do you value most, for yourself and in others?” Core values are what this blog post is all about.
What are core values?
Let’s start with a short introduction to what core values are and what they aren’t.
Core values are a small subset of principles and standards that are most important to you. They influence how you see the world, how you judge others and, hopefully, how you act and behave yourself. They are an integral part of who you are as a person and what makes you unique, in the same way as your DNA, thumbprints or experiences.
Core values can (and should) be used as your personal compass to navigate through life. When in doubt, you can use them to check you are on the right path. They help you decide where to invest your time and energy and make sometimes difficult decisions based on your own priorities.
While goals are future accomplishments you aspire to, you cannot reach and mark values as “done”. They accompany you throughout your life, providing you directions and a reminder of what matters most to you.
Related: 6 key elements to truly know yourself (Coming Soon)
Why is it essential to define your core values?
Before we spend some time finding and defining your own core values, I’d like to highlight 4 reasons why this is a crucial exercise. It will enable you to:
1. Define your life goals
Knowing your priorities and what you believe in will help you figure out what you truly desire. Your life goals shouldn’t be based on social pressure or on others’ standards and opinions. They should be derived from your core values and reflect what you care the most about.
Personal priorities will give you focus, a sense of directions and the necessary long-term motivation to succeed and fulfil your own dreams.
2. Simplify decision-making
Nowadays, we are constantly faced with decision-making and a vast number of options. What should I do? Am I making the right choice? Did I make a mistake? Those questions are daunting. Knowing your core values strengthens your sense of identity, which fuels the actions and decisions you make every day. The more confidence you have in who you are and who you want to be, the easier it becomes to behave in a way that aligns with your priorities. You’ll also be more comfortable with the choices you make, as you know they are based on what you care most about.
3. Improve your relationships
Defining your core values will also help you navigate your relationships. You’ll understand what qualities and personality traits you are looking for, as well as what you expect from other people.
Sometimes, we can’t really figure out why people behave the way they do. We feel annoyed, frustrated or angry with them, even though we may not always be able to explain it precisely. It’s often because their actions and attitudes go against some of your core values. Others have different opinions, beliefs and priorities than you do. As a result, they may act in a way that does not always match your own expectations and standards. On the other hand, being clear on what you hold most important in life will help you identify and associate with people who share your values. Similar ideals are a solid foundation to develop naturally deep and meaningful relationships.
4. Increase your happiness
When the goals you have, the things you do and the people you hang out with match your core values, life feels good. You feel empowered, content and at ease. Everything is aligned. Contrarily, going against your core values in some areas of your life, such as your career or relationship, will feel wrong. You might not be able to say precisely why, but you grow increasingly out of touch, anxious and unhappy.
Defining your core values is the first step in living a meaningful and fulfilling life, consistent with what matters most to you. You’ll feel safer and more confident in tackling life’s challenges because you know what’s truly important and where you’re heading.
Related: Where does true happiness come from? (Coming Soon)
Defining your core values in 3 steps
Now that we went through what core values are and why it is so essential to defining yours, it’s time to move from theory into practice. One last thing before starting: there are no right or wrong values. We all have our own, and what matters is that they feel authentic. Allow yourself to be honest about what is really important for you, no matter what your parents, friends, or society think. You do not need justification or approval.
Step 1. Go through some self-reflection
Take some time to look around and within yourself, and answer those questions. I always advise doing those kinds of exercises in writing. It will help you organise, develop and make your thoughts more concrete.
• What makes you happy? When do you feel the most content and at ease? Focus on the context of those times: Where was it? What were you doing? Who was with you?
• What are the “peak moments” of your life? These are times when you felt the proudest of yourself and fulfilled. You may have achieved a life goal or felt like you were exactly where you ought to be, doing what you were born to do.
• On the other hand, what makes you angry? What are the hardest things for you to tolerate and forgive? We all have moments in our life we feel wronged and unfairly treated. What were those?
• Who are the people you love and admire? Role models usually embody qualities and traits that are important to us. They can be people you value most in your life, inspiring public or historical figures or even your favourite TV characters. What makes them stand out? How would you describe them in a few words? How do they behave, what do they believe in and fight for?
Finally, look at your answers and ask yourself: “why?”. Why did you answer that? What made those experiences and people stand out?
Step 2. Gather all your values and prioritise them
After going through Step 1, a set of values should already emerge. You might find common threads and repeating patterns. Gather all the values and principles that appear in your answers. For some additional inspiration, you can go through this list of common values and simply write down the words that resonate most with you.
You might now have a list of 10-20 values or more. It’s important to prioritise them until you have a small subset of around five core values. The clearest you are on your priorities, the more efficient life compass they will be.
Look at your list and see if you can group related values together and identify central themes. Once you have sorted your values into different categories, choose an appealing word that best represents each group. You can leave the other terms in parentheses to give additional context to your core value.
For example, this was my initial list when I went through this exercise. As you can see, I ended up with 26 values that resonate with me and represent both who I want to be and what I’m looking for in others.
By looking closely, you can find common threads. Some of them are different facets of the same big idea. They include related behaviours, standards and beliefs that all support each other. On the other hand, some stand out alone. It doesn’t mean they are not important to me, but they may not be as central as the others. This is how my final list looks like.
Independence, integrity, love, wisdom and inspiration are my Top5 core values. Each value encompasses different traits and elements that, in my opinion, defines, feeds and reinforce it. Of course, your own core values might be totally different. That’s perfectly normal and fine! Remember: your core values are part of what makes you unique, and there are no right or wrong answers – only yours!
Step 3. Confirm your introspective findings
Look again at your final list. How does it feel? Do they fit the vision you have for yourself? Are you proud of them? If these were the words people use to define and remember you, would you be content?
If that’s the case, great! You, my friend, are now aware of what your priorities and guiding principles in life are! If there is something that feels wrong or forced, take time to reassess your list. Maybe find another word that fits your vision better or represent more accurately what you’re aiming at and looking for in your daily life.
Some people advise ranking those top values. Obviously, you can if you feel like it. However, I don’t think it’s necessary. Perhaps, you’ll have to make a choice between two of your core values at some point. I believe your decision will depend on the context and circumstances of the moment. As long as it aligns with one of your main priorities, it will feel right. Life is subtle and complex. Your core values play the role of your personal compass and put you on the right path. Still, compromises and creative, out-of-the-box solutions are sometimes part of life’s challenges.
How to live up to your core values?
You already did great defining your own unique set of core values. Now, your last task is to think about how to honour these standards in your everyday life. How can you translate every one of them into behaviours, goals and actions? The meaning behind those single-word values is unique to the individual that holds them. For each core value, try to list two or three guiding principles that bring it to life. Keep things simple: your guiding principles should be clear enough to teach and explain the value to a child.
Here’s what it could look like for my own values:
Independence: Being able to pay my bills and support my own needs ; Make my own opinions ; Be and do what I want to, without being influenced by social pressures (Self-Confidence)
Integrity: Keep your words ; Be honest - facing and telling hard truths is better than hiding your head in the sand ; Stay true to yourself - The end does NOT justify the means. What truly matters is less the destination than the path you take to get there.
Love: Listen to others and show empathy - we all have our own story ; Tolerance: Every human being deserves respect ; Be ready to give a hand and help others when they need it.
Wisdom: Be curious about the world we live in ; Never stop learning and remain humble - no one knows everything ; Always listen to and consider differing opinions (Open-Mindness)
Inspiration: Find beauty and joy in all the small things surrounding you ; There is always a creative, out-of-the-box solution or way - you just have to find it ; Keep reading as a source of inspiration, and writing as a way of expression
Perhaps, one of those words means something totally different for you. That’s perfectly fine! Once again, there is no right or wrong. The most important is to find ways to live up to your core values that make sense to you.
Give your core values and guiding principles a central place in your daily life. You can display them on your vision board, create positive affirmations to integrate them into your morning routine or reflect on them in your journaling exercises… The main point is to keep them front and centre. To live a fulfilling life, you need to behave according to your values. They give you a baseline and a direction to aim at. Hold yourself accountable, but don’t beat yourself up if you sometimes miss the mark. No one is perfect.
Lastly, you should regularly reassess your core values, for example as a part of a New Year’s ritual. While our fundamental beliefs usually do not change much, you’re still constantly evolving, and your priorities might change along. By checking in regularly, you ensure heading in a direction that still makes sense for you at each stage of your life.
Going out of your comfort zone and making big decisions is not always easy. Yet, with your core values as your personal compass, you can approach every life situation with integrity, confidence and clarity. You know you are making the right choice for your long-term happiness.
To Go Further:
You might learn that I looove free online personality tests and silly quizzes. One of my favourite personality tests is to learn about your personality type is 16personalities.com – the most complete and insightful (totally free) test I came across online.
If you are not so much into the old-school journaling method, you can also visit personalvalu.es to help you assess and determine your core values online 😉